Ambition is a powerful force that can shape our identity, inspire growth, and guide us on the path to our dream life. But as with anything powerful, if we are not careful, it can easily become toxic.
In the chase for the ‘next best thing,’ we can lose sight of what really matters and neglect other meaningful aspects of our lives. On our journey to success, it is crucial to maintain awareness and recognize when our ambition starts to cast a shadow on our life.
Why Are We Ambitious?
Ever since our childhood, we have been taught that achieving goals and moving forward in life is important. As we mature, the pressure on the ‘next achievement’ in life becomes even stronger, shaped by expectations from family, society, and ultimately ourselves.
An important question to ask ourselves is: What is the purpose of being ambitious and achieving these goals?
Harvard professor and psychologist Daniel Gilbert says that “Happiness is the ultimate goal of virtually all the decisions we make in life.”
Ambition and the desire for success share a common purpose: happiness. In our efforts towards success, ambition, or anything else, what we actually want to achieve is to be happy, fulfilled, appreciated, and loved. But when ambition becomes toxic, or when we allow others to push their ambitions onto us, we achieve the opposite of this purpose and diminish our happiness and satisfaction with life.
The majority of the modern world is heavily impacted by the Western promotion of a ‘successful life’. We were convinced that, to be happy, we needed to chase career achievements and always look to the next step. All for the purpose of having more money to buy more things that never make a real difference. Those who achieved this know it is not the key to happiness.
The Threat of Toxic Ambition
Toxic ambition can easily impact our relationships, make us neglect our health, and overall diminish our happiness and connection to our values. Toxic ambitions can exist at many levels, but even at the first one, we start to lose sight of what is important, and we make ourselves unhappy in one area of our lives in order to succeed in another.
Naturally, in some cases, a certain amount of ‘sacrifice’ for the sake of achieving your goals is reasonable. Success demands sacrifice, but this sacrifice should be temporary, not a standard way you do things. Ambition becomes toxic when you don’t recognize it is impacting you in the long term, and you fall victim to your own desires.
Whatever our ambitions are, it is crucial to be mindful of the process. The satisfaction of achieving our goals will be a moment, while getting to our goals and dreams could last a lifetime.
If we don’t enjoy the process and take care of ourselves, we can’t even perform at our best. Every person performs better when they are healthier and happier, which is why toxic ambition is also, ironically, bad for your success.
Why does this happen?
Toxic ambition is rooted in ego, as ego wants us to achieve as much as possible and as fast as possible, with no regard to how we actually feel in the process.
The reason is that our ego sees only our superficial desires and desires only money, recognition, and wealth, but what we truly need and want is love, acceptance, and happiness. It’s possible to achieve these deeper desires through ambition, but a more common scenario is that we neglect that part of our life that gives us true fulfillment in order to satisfy the superficial needs of the ego.
In a way, ego sacrifices us in the process, pushing us over our own limits. When we over-identify with our ego and we don’t question the value of things that it craves, we continue following it and make ourselves miserable. Not only do we risk becoming superficial, but we risk turning into a robot that runs on goals and to-do lists, and the person we become afterwards will definitely not be a better version of ourselves.
In his book Toxic Success, clinical psychologist Paul Pearsall said about people with toxic ambition:
“They may be hypersuccessful, but they’re also deeply unhappy.”
Ambition might be a big part of who we are, but it is not all we are. It can be a major part of our lives, but to be truly happy, we need relationships, we need self-care, and we need time for ourselves.
Signs of Toxic Ambition
1. You don’t enjoy the present moment.
You think that after you achieve that goal you have, then you will be happy, satisfied, or fulfilled. The obstacle to your happiness is not that goal you didn’t yet achieve, but the fact you tied your happiness to something that doesn’t yet exist.
Practice gratitude each day by acknowledging things you appreciate right now. Focusing on the present moment helps break the habit of always looking for happiness in the future.
2. The goal is more important than the process.
Achieving your goal will only be a moment in time, while the process of achievement can last a very long time. Your main goal should be to learn how to be happy and satisfied in the whole process and to enjoy your journey toward success.
Set small, enjoyable milestones within your larger goal to celebrate progress along the way. This will make the process feel rewarding and reduce pressure on the final outcome.
3. You are anxious about your future.
Although you have a plan, you do not feel confident about the future. Maybe you set your expectations too high, and you know you won’t be able to reach them, or there’s an outside pressure on you. Healthy ambition is setting realistic expectations while also being okay with achieving less than intended. You are not a robot.
4. You have the ‘grass is greener’ mentality.
You are heavily focused on the next achievement, and you believe happiness lies just beyond your next goal. Try practicing being grateful and proud of your current situation and recognize that true fulfillment isn’t tied to reaching the next milestone but appreciating the current state.
5. You compare yourself to others.
Instead of focusing on your own journey, you constantly measure your progress against others. This comparison only feeds your insecurities, making it harder to feel satisfied with what you’ve achieved. Healthy ambition means appreciating your unique path and resisting the urge to view success as a competitive game.
6. You’re driven to impress others more than to fulfill yourself.
How would you feel if you could achieve your goals, but no one could know about it? All the success you achieve would just be your secret, while people would only know you’re doing average work.
This can demonstrate on what level you want to succeed to impress others and on what level you do it for yourself.
The ‘Cure’ for Toxic Ambition
In order to avoid the impact of toxic ambition, it is crucial to strive for balance. This could mean setting boundaries, dedicating time for loved ones, or incorporating mindfulness practices. Dig deeper into the source of your toxic ambition—it may stem from underlying insecurities or beliefs that you aren’t good enough.
It is completely possible to achieve your goals while taking proper care of your mental and physical health and nurturing your connections. Not only will you be much happier in the process, but your performance will be better overall.
If you are going to be ambitious about something, be ambitious about being happy, fulfilled, and following your dreams. Be ambitious about being a good person and making a positive difference on the world and those around you.
If you are to be ambitious, let it be for things that really matter, even if the world might not notice right away.
